Wanna Hear About One Of My Old Girlfriends?: A Manifesto
When I was 22, I got involved in one of my first true, adult relationships. I’m speaking romantically here. This was the first real, long term relationship AFTER losing my sight. In retrospect, I shoulda seen this coming, but hey, when you’re young and insecure and have no point of reference, ya may do some things you regret.
While I don’t regret the relationship, I didn’t handle the break up very well. It was tough and messy and tense. Lots of screaming, lots of tears, lots of stress. So, splitsville.
Then, the soul searching questions began. Would I find another person who could accept my blindness? I’m sad to admit that, yes, that was my biggest question. I operated from a point of scarcity. Like, if she’d accept me, well, that’s all that really mattered. But, that’s not enough for a solid relationship.
What’s wrong with this picture?
I was mainly with her out of fear. Fear that no one else could handle my blindness. So, I operated from a point of scarcity and fear.
I think most of us act from a point of scarcity. We horde money, goods, food, clothes, whatever because it somehow makes us feel a little more safe. We operate in scarcity and that fear drives many of our decisions. I’ll bet if you look at some of your really unwise decisions and get buck naked with yourself, you’ll see that those decisions were made out of fear. I’m scared of the consequence, so I’ll make another decision…and, it probably didn’t work out and, well, ya live and ya learn, right?
I’m tired of living and feeling scarcity is all around. Putting money away for a rainy day, stocking up on batteries if there’s a hurricaine, making choices out of fear. It’s a sad and scary way to live.
Going forward, I’m choosing to live a life void of feelings of scarcity. I will not accept less than what I want simply because it’s better to have something than nothing. I will be brave and strong and compassionate and generous…in everything I do.
Wanna take this ride with me?