Lessons From Dirty Girls

Right now, I’m in a pretty big disagreement with my best bud. Well, the debate has been heated, but the question is pretty small-AND scientifically provable.

So, in our recent spicy debates, I’ve thought how my personality is – I have to finish things. I have to drive a point home. I have to beat the dead horse until it’s actually buried underground, concrete poured atop the corpse, a skyscraper erected above it and the building filled with people. This is not one of my better traits, as you might imagine.

In thinking of this most recent disagreement, my mind went back to a book I read a few months ago, “The Dirty Girls Social Club” by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez. Ooo! Dirty girls! Sounds tawdry, doesn’t it? It’s not. The novel follows a group of Latina women, now in their late 20s, from the days they met at an eastern university.

One of the women is just getting involved in a new relationship. Posturing, feeling it out, deciding if this guy is “the one.” In listing his qualities, she talks about how he disagrees. He states his position, she says hers, then he simply accepts that there is a difference of opinion and drops it. Respectable! And almost impossible in my case.

It does get down to the question, “What is worth fighting over?” and, while I’m sure this debate I’m in isn’t worth fighting over, I think of that scene from the book for a little guidance on how I maybe, maybe someday might be able to handle conflict better. Hear it, accept it, drop it. Hard as that may be, there’s no doubt that it’s the healthier way to be.

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